Are you a Victim Or a Victor?

Stuck in that victim mentality? Learn to identify the negative thoughts patterns and emotions that keep you stuck, so you can finally move forward.

Whether you tend toward a victim or victor mindset, it’s crucial to understand where your mindset comes from.

A victim mindset, for example, is tied to a limiting or damaged belief system that lives deep within our subconscious minds. It comes from negative beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world, and these beliefs are taught to us by our experiences, relationships, and cultures.

They decide whether we see ourselves as victims or victors, and more importantly, they can be changed.

That’s why — if you want to shift from a victim to a victor mindset — you need to be constantly checking in with yourself. Ask questions whenever you start to feel disempowered or off-center.

Do I feel like people are out to get me? Where does that come from?

Do I feel like the world is unfair — or that bad things always happen to me? What belief is that tied to, and is it true?

It’s crucial to check in with yourself because: Our beliefs are born out of what we’ve been conditioned to believe or what we’ve experienced, which means they’re not always based in the true nature of who we are. But they could be.

Identifying A Victim Mindset

So how do you know if you’re stuck in a victim mindset? It starts by learning to identify the feelings of victimhood, as well as the four types of trauma that cause it.

First, let’s talk about the emotions that are produced by a victim mindset. According to David R. Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness model, each emotion has a different energy and vibration. Negative or depleting emotions have low energy, while positive and productive emotions have a high vibration.

The emotions created by a victim mindset vibrationally resonate at the lowest scale of our consciousness. They are depleting, lackluster, hum-drum emotions that keep us from being fully engaged in our lives. If you are stuck in a victim mindset, then you may not have the energy — or even the desire — to raise your vibration because vibrationally it’s just difficult to function.

Think about it. It doesn’t feel good when you’re overcome by the fear of failure, or you’re constantly worried people will leave you. That’s because your victim mindset is creating a barrier to accessing those higher frequency emotions, which would feel renewing and affirming instead.

So you might be wondering: If the emotions of a victim mindset don’t feel good, then why do we stay stuck in it? Well, when we’re looking at victimhood, what we’re really doing is identifying a trauma loop.

The trauma loops that keep us in a victim mindset come down to four essential types:

  • Feeling Unworthy or Unloved
  • Scarcity Mindset
  • Fear of the Unknown
  • Fear of Abandonment

These traumas can sound like this: People always leave. I’m going to be alone forever. I’m not good enough. I don’t have enough. I never will. I can’t handle this.

When you hear that inner monologue start to play in your mind, it doesn’t just have an effect on your mind — it also takes a physical toll. Accelerating pulse. Rising blood pressure. Shallow breathing. Maybe you bounce your knee or pace back and forth.

The stress and anxiety in our hearts and minds become visible and create dis-ease throughout our system.

That’s how our trauma loops can negatively impact the systems in our body — and contribute to the physical manifestations of our stress and anxiety.

Identifying A Victor Mindset

A victor mindset is a state of awareness that we can use to disrupt those old, conditioned patterns that lead us to believe we’re disempowered and incapable of creating the life we want.

It’s a way of thinking that replaces the damaging, limiting, and punishing beliefs with new empowering, loving, and affirming beliefs.

It’s the difference between life happening to you — and life happening for you.

It’s a subtle change with profound effects.

You’ll know you’ve tapped into a victor mindset when you shift from disempowerment to empowerment — and your mind, heart, and body feel it, too.

In fact, the really great thing about going from a victim to victor mindset is that it immediately helps the body by supporting the endocrine system, the nervous system, and the hypothalamus in the brain.

A victor mindset supports the mind, heart, and body with a sense of empowerment that is transformational.

How To Shift From A Victim To Victor Mindset

1. Awareness

The trick in releasing yourself from a victim mindset is to first be aware. To begin that process, you have to ask yourself the probing questions that will reveal your underlying beliefs. For example:

  • What do I believe?
  • Of the four main categories of trauma, where do I feel most affected?
  • Can I identify the experience, relationship, or cultural belief that’s causing me to feel disempowered?
  • Can I replace this punishing belief with an affirming one?

Here’s a quick example: I was bullied in school, and that experience was difficult — however, it also made me a kind and compassionate advocate for anti-bullying today. It’s given me the eyes to see nonverbal communication that others might miss, and it allows me to show up for people when they’re experiencing something difficult.

Awareness means identifying the beliefs that are hurting you and choosing to see the way it has empowered you instead.

You do not have to be grateful for the experience; instead, find gratitude for the awareness it’s provided you, so you can be a different and better person.

2. Acceptance

Once you’ve developed that inner awareness, the next step is to accept where you are.

Let’s not kid ourselves anymore. Yes, it’s not where we want to be. But now we have the opportunity to align with the truth of a loving, affirming belief system that will support us in creating the life we desire.

You see, acceptance gives us the ability to take action, move forward, and ascend our emotions up the Map of Consciousness.

It’s also an opportunity to limit the time we spend only connecting to our minds, and instead, it allows us to connect more with our hearts. We find that, when we can connect to our heart, we can experience emotional pain but use the situations that caused it as an impetus for change.

We can shed the negative narratives of self-judgment and self-abuse, and when it clears away, it allows us to take the time to see what we find meaning in and gratitude for.

As we heal our inner world with loving acceptance, we can create more love and acceptance in our outer world. That is, by far, one of the greatest gifts we give ourselves and also to the world.

It allows us to show up as our best and be able to contribute our best.

3. Commitment

Once you’ve developed the awareness to understand the triggers of your victim mindset, and done the work to accept where you are today, it’s time to commit to moving forward from a place of acceptance and empowerment.

It’s a daily commitment that will take practice and dedication — but here’s why it’s worth it.

One of the gifts of being a victor is the ability to look beyond your circumstances to find the meaning that makes you feel empowered. Instead of staying stuck in the pain of unanswerable questions, you ask: What is the lesson to be learned? How can I find the opportunity to grow?

You can use it as a point of self-reflection and growth, always creating forward momentum. In fact, sometimes we have to have breakdowns, so we can find the breakthroughs — so we can then break free.

That is what the victor mindset provides: the ability to experience hardship, grow through it, and finally become free from it.

Ready To Take Action?

I’ve been working on this practice for over 20 years, and I’ve learned quite a few tools, techniques and mindsets along the way.

I share all my best strategies for navigating life’s toughest moments inside of my membership community. You can even find a video course on this exact topic that includes everything you need for self-discovery and empowered action.

All you have to do is show up for the journey.

Learn more here.




Melissa Hull Global Media CEO • International Speaker • Story Coach • Show Host • Author on Child Loss

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Melissa Hull

Melissa Hull

Melissa Hull Global Media CEO • International Speaker • Story Coach • Show Host • Author on Child Loss

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